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Manifesting Destiny teaser by *DOOMMAN98:iconDOOMMAN98:



Manifesting Destiny
By Alex Patton
Chapter1:
Age 1:

“I feel warm...where am I? What am I? Who am I? ...why do I feel warm? What is this fluid I feel?” As the being sliced the fulid with his hand, he thought, “Why isn’t it cold where I don’t occupy? What does it mean, this concept...to occupy?" As he continued to reach over, he wondered what it was he felt. As his fingers touch and begin to run over the spaced out ridges that pulsed with intensity, now he was more puzzled than before. He, more slowly, than before, felt upwards feeling a pulsing, living ridge every couple inches in the total dark, about an arm length all around. He pulled his arm back, gathered this new sensory information, and used what little capacity he had to act out a precious newfound gift, thinking.

"Rest and grow, my being, I want you to be perfect once you come out." A strange, yet soothing and flowing voice came from the outside, startling him speechlessly. A light scraping begun to virbrate against the organic barrier, startling him even more. Seconds later, the scraping ceased, allowing him to calm down. As time passed, he floated in his comfortably warm fluid when the heaviest of any weights hits him: a question. "What do I look like?"
©2009 *DOOMMAN98
:icondoomman98:

Author's Comments

Creation through experimentation...the purpose of this is unknown...and goes deeper beyond comprehension as well as its implications


Edited by :iconvoduntoivoa:

=VodunToivoa says: "Enjoying art is great, but if you don't read the artist's comments, THAT'S NO GOOD!"

this read is geared to older people

this song inspires me....the theme of futility...i use this theme alot

[link]

Critiques


:iconvoduntoivoa:
Before I edited this piece, I saw how much you improved! Your word choice needs a little work still, however.

Make sure to compliment generic adjectives like "strange" with adjectives that have undisputable meaning, such as "soothing".

I cannot really write a critique on your syntax, because...I edited it!

As for concept, it brings anyone back to a first experience of a sort, such as the first day of school. However, this sheds a new light on world perception, as it exemplifies to the audience the first ANYTHING. The creature's thoughts can be seen in any person who has ever felt.

Congratulations. You have not only written the beginning of a story, but you have written the beginning to anyone. You have made the reader manifest in this story.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
17 out of 18 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconrikagurl:
I think that it has alot of meaning, but not enough to get the reader to understand. I need to know what it is trying to get at a little more. IT has alot of deepness, but would take a WHILE to understand. I cant really get at its underlying point. Is it supposed to a take of childbirth, when you have no clue of what you are? And that you are finding out about the things of life? I mean, it's really good, and the texts are all in point, but I just need a little bit more. Thats all I'm sayin. But other than that, It's a good teaser, and maybe I can get at it and comphrehend it a little bit nore i8r
~rika :heart:
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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Comments


love 0 0 joy 2 2 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconchaosthehedgehog1:
Dude, you are an awesome writer! Even if it was short ^^;
:icondoomman98:
thanks :3

but read the artist comments

plus this is a sample...not the actual thing

--
WELCOME TO MY HELL
DOOMMAN'S REVENGE IS ON HOLD AND NEEDS TO BE REWRITTEN
HELL'S WRATH IS ON HOLD
MANAFESTING DESTINY IS BEENING WRITTEN/DEVELOPED
ALL HAIL DOOMMAN

The time estimated that my legacy will be finished is....never
:icononiyoi:
awsome cant wait to read more X3

--
Peace, Love and Aqua Dots
:iconzoomthehedgehog360:
I wanna read more too! This awesome and well written, keep up the good work!

--
  /l、
゙(゚、 。 7
 l、゙ ~ヽ
 じしf_, )ノ
This is Kitty. Copy Kitty to your signature to help her achieve world domination!
:icondoomman98:
:3

--
WELCOME TO MY HELL
DOOMMAN'S REVENGE IS ON HOLD AND NEEDS TO BE REWRITTEN
HELL'S WRATH IS ON HOLD
MANAFESTING DESTINY IS BEENING WRITTEN/DEVELOPED
ALL HAIL DOOMMAN

The time estimated that my legacy will be finished is....never
:icondarkicevampiregirl:
whoa this rulz man u r an awesome write! i love it :heart: :heart: great job
:iconnidopomx3:
Nice writing sample! I like it so far 8D~ Write loads more!

--
I'm gonna throw you in a chemical fire so fast even Naruto won't believe it!

- - Professor Layton and the Malignant Growth


Thankies ~AnonymousMonster for the avvi!~

I am the C of C&R!
:iconsuper-sonic-101:
Wow!this is really good,can't wait to read more :D good job.

--
*Move Along*

Link to my Gallery
CHECK IT OUT!:D
[link]
and allso check out this His World dance remix:)
[link]
:iconshadkitty:
Now I'm totally curious =D
Great so far! =D
I wonder what happens next.. :paranoid:

--
My YouTube: [link]
Lavender's bio/info: [link]
I am deviant #5,993,854~!

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June 14
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